This article contains discussions of sexual, emotional, and physical abuse.
Spoilers for It Ends With Us are ahead!
Eight years after its publication,It Ends With Usby Colleen Hoover includes many questionable elements worth critiquing. The book centers on a woman named Lily Bloom, who falls victim to the intergenerational cycle of abuse. Since its release,Colleen Hoover’sIt Ends With Ushas been controversial, producing a divided response from readers and critics alike. It’s natural that the book would elicit strong opinions given the content matter. Colleen Hoover drew details – like personalities and the first incident of physical abuse – from her parents’ relationship, which gives her a more personal connection to the story.
However, the inspiration doesn’t make the book immune to critique. The personal connection also doesn’t absolve her of the responsibility that comes with discussing a topic as serious as intimate partner violence. Authors owe it to readers to handle sensitive subjects with care. Unfortunately, many aspects of the book were problematic to begin with or have aged poorly over the past eight years. Given the movie adaptation ofIt Ends With Uschanging parts of the book, harsh realities about the Colleen Hoover novel are more apparent than ever before.
If you or someone you love is experiencing domestic violence or abuse, please reach out to the national domestic violence hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or visitthehotline.org(US) orFindAHelpline.com(international) for help.
10Atlas And Lily’s Romance Hurts It Ends With Us’ Message About Escaping Abuse
Atlas Would Have Been Better As A Best Friend
When it comes to abuse, there is never an excuse. As Lily points out inIt Ends With Us, Ryle could have walked in on her and Atlas having sex, and he still wouldn’t have had a reason to lay a hand on Lily. Unfortunately, the pair’s romantic history hurts the story and message.
Firstly, for those who engage in abuser apologetics, the romance provides individuals a prime reason to dismiss Ryle’s abuse. The book only recognizes three instances of abuse despite many more examples existing early on, and two of the three occur because Ryle gets jealous of Atlas. Unfortunately,jealousy is misconstrued as a romantic act in society and the media,making it seem like Ryle’s abuse is caused by love, which is unequivocally false.
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Secondly, Lily running to Atlas, her first love, to help her get away from Ryle makes it seem like victims can only get out of abusive relationships if they have another romantic option. Atlas could still support her in escaping the dangerous situation if they were just childhood best friends instead of romantic interests.
9It Ends With Us’ Marketing Was Deceptive
It Ends With Us Was Never A Romance Novel
One of the harshest realities about the Colleen Hoover book was clear from the start, but has only become more apparent sinceIt Ends With Us’ cast drama. The novel’s marketing was highly deceptive.It Ends With Usshould never have been labeled a romance novel, given the graphic depictions of abuse and heavy content matter.
Unfortunately, the front and back of the book do nothing to warn the reader about what’s inside, either. The back cover presents the story as a love triangle romance, having no explicit references to abuse of any kind. The pink, flowery front cover looks more like that of a rom-com than a harrowing tale of intimate partner violence. Sadly, the movie followed suit. Justin Baldoni tried to emphasize the domestic violence storyline, and the trailer made the triggering content more apparent. However, Blake Lively’s interviews presented the movie like a rom-com, misleading many viewers.
8There Are No Decent Men In It Ends With Us
Even The Best Men In It Ends With Us Display Problematic Behaviors
It Ends With Uswants the reader to believe that Ryle Kinkaid and Andrew Bloom are the bad guys while all the other men are good guys. Unfortunately, when comparing abusers to non-abusers, the threshold for acceptable behavior is set far below reasonable standards. When looking at the men individually, they almost all display troubling behaviors.
Lily’s journals imply heavily that Atlas knew the age of consent and, for months, planned to have sex with her when she finally turned 16.His having sex with her when she was 16 and he was 18 after planning it for so long may not technically be statutory rape, but it’s still morally dubious.As an adult, he also blocks her into the bathroom against her will, which is terrifying. Additionally, his threats to Ryle put her in danger of further abuse. Lastly, he lies to Lily about being in a relationship and doesn’t come clean until she confronts him.
Marshall, Devon, and Atlas' friends also make questionable choices inIt Ends With Us. Marshall knows Ryle is abusive but takes him to see Lily without asking her if it’s okay or giving her a warning. Devon agrees to be Lily’s fake date, knowing she’s avoiding Ryle, but then lets him take Lily away against her wishes. Even Atlas’ friends make inappropriate comments to Lily, though they can get a slight pass since she trauma-dumps on them.
7Domestic Violence Is Used As A Plot Twist
Abuse Should Never Be Used For Shock Value
Thanks to the deceptive marketing, readers weren’t prepared to read about domestic violence going intoIt Ends With Us. Moreover,by presenting the book as a romance, Ryle starts out seeming like the longstanding romance “Alphahole” archetype– a love interest who is bossy, arrogant, and controlling but also competent, accomplished, and potentially redeemable (viaThe Romance MFA).
There are obvious red flags that Ryle will end up abusive when looking at it through a psychological lens. However, the average reader isn’t necessarily primed to recognize domestic violence in this way. The scene where Ryle first becomes overtly domestically violent with Lily also goes from laughing to hitting within a few sentences. There’s no warning going into this scene that it will turn bad. As such, the domestic violence comes across as a plot twist, which is never okay.
6It Ends With Us Romanticizes Abuse
The Portrayal Of Intimate Partner Violence Is Concerning
Looking atIt Ends With Usby Colleen Hoover, there are valid arguments for and against the book romanticizing abuse. On the one hand, the book is told from the perspective of Lily, a domestic abuse violence. People in abuse situations may not recognize early signs, and the red flags they see might be excused due to rose-colored glasses. In this way, the romanticization of abuse is realistic.
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However, the problem comes towards the end when she does recognize Ryle’s toxic behavior.Lily never identifies many of his past actions – such as him tracking down her apartment, showing up unannounced, and pressuring her into sex – as manipulative and abusive, even when she acknowledges the intimate partner violence. That tips the scales more toward the romanticization of earlier behaviors.
Additionally, the rose-colored glasses can be excused as a character perspective untilIt Ends With Ussends Lily fleeing into the arms of her first love. This single decision makes it hard to see domestic violence as anything other than a plot device in a romance story.
5The Writing In It Ends With Us Isn’t Very Good
Colleen Hoover Doesn’t Follow The Creative Writing Golden Rule
Labeling a book as “good” or “bad” is highly subjective, since readers choose books with different goals. A novel will fall into one category or the other depending on whether it meets the expectations of the individual reading it. As such, it’s impossible to deemIt Ends With Usa bad book with 100% objectivity. However, it’s reasonable to judge the quality of writing, which is lacking.
The golden rule in creative writing is “show, don’t tell.” Unfortunately,It Ends With Usdoes nothing but tell the reader what to think and how to feel about the characters and narrative.The writing doesn’t leave room for nuance or personal interpretation, which makes it hard to engage with the story. Despite the literary weakness,It Ends With Usand other Colleen Hoover booksare still easy to read because of the bubbly tone and frothy language, making it understandable why they’re so popular.
4Allysa Isn’t As Good Of A Friend As The Book Makes Her Out To Be
Allysa Enables Ryle’s Abuse At First
When it comes tocharacters inIt Ends With Us, Allysa plays a vital role in finally getting Lily out of her abusive relationship with Ryle. When informed about the attempted rape, she tells her friend this iconic quote:
“My brother loves you, Lily. He loves you so much. You have changed his entire life and have made him someone that I never thought he could be. As his sister, I wish more than anything that you could find a way to forgive him. But as your best friend, I have to tell you that if you take him back, I will never speak to you again.”
While the phrasing might be flawed, Allysa doesn’t have to speak perfectly for her words to have meaning. The statement reaffirms to Lily that she won’t lose her best friend if she leaves the abusive relationship. Support is an essential consideration in someone leaving an abuser – though obviously not the only factor.
However, the focus on this one positive moment ignores that Allysa already enabled Ryle’s abuse earlier in the book.The first time she finds out Ryle abused Lily, she doesn’t encourage Lily to leave or ask what support Lily needs.Instead, she guilt-trips Lily into having a conversation with Ryle, saying, “As my sister-in-law and my best friend, give my brother a chance to talk to you.”Then, she leaves them alone together, knowing he was already violent once.
3Ryle Is Painted As The “Good Guy” Abuser
It Ends With Us Excuses Ryle’s Abuse Toward Lily
A particularly upsetting harsh reality ofIt Ends With Usis the fact that Ryle is painted as a good guy who is just a helpless victim of his mental health due to unresolved childhood trauma. The book explains away his abuse as “blackouts” where he can’t control or remember his actions – a misrepresentation of abuse causes (viaNational Domestic Violence Hotline).
The rape attempt essentially debunks this explanation since he premeditated his actions and waited hours for her to get home. However,even if Ryle genuinely did experience dissociative episodes where he blacked out, that wouldn’t excuse his abuse.He’s responsible for taking accountability and treating his mental health.
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The narrative of Ryle being a “good guy” abuser is furthered by his behavior in between the rape attempt and the epilogue. Ryle gives her space for months at a time without crossing her boundaries. He abides by her request not to convince her to get back with him. He doesn’t harass her or threaten her. Sadly, the most dangerous time for a survivor of abuse is the 18 months after they leave (viaBWSS), so Ryle’s behavior doesn’t feel realistic.
2Lily Comes Across As The “Perfect Victim” In It Ends With Us
Lily Is Hard To Relate To Because She’s So Self-Aware
ThroughoutIt Ends With Us, Lily does many things that lean into her being an ideal victim. The first time Ryle physically abuses her, she recognizes his actions as wrong and threatens to leave him if it ever happens again. This level of immediate understanding doesn’t feel realistic. Rather than making more excuses the second time, she follows through on her threat to leave when he pushes her down the stairs, never doubting her own decision.
She only returns to him because she genuinely believes he can control his actions. After the third incident, she goes to the hospital for treatment, documenting the injuries. She never questions whether she should give birth to Emerson or handle parenting. Ultimately,Lily makes very few decisions that paint her in a negative light.Luckily, theIt Ends With Usmovie fixes this issueby making her more flawed.
1Lily Was Wrong About Coparenting Emerson With Ryle
Lily Should Have Fought To Protect Emerson
At theend ofIt Ends With Us, Colleen Hoover writes one of the most controversial parts of Lily Bloom’s story. Rather than trying to fight for full custody or require court-supervised visitations, Lily allows Ryle to have unsupervised time with Emerson. The idea of a victim being forced to co-parent with an abuser isn’t outlandish. In fact, it’s a painful reality that people live through every day. The problem is that she didn’t even try, despite having the money, resources, and support.
Lily simply says that Ryle has a right to parent their child no matter how she feels about it,never taking steps to protect her child from a person who supposedly experiences blackouts where he’s uncontrollably abusive.Ultimately, Justin Baldoni and the partner organization The No More Foundation changedRyle’s controversial endingbecause they were equally uncomfortable withIt Ends With Us’ epilogue.
